Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Pregnancy and Sex.

Yeah, I'm about to open the sex door, haha.
I've always considered myself to be pretty open about sex since I was a teenager. I was so lucky to have a Mom that was completely up front with me from early childhood, and by the time I had my first boyfriend, I had already been to the gynecologist and was on birth control. I appreciate my Mom so much for this, cause it must've been uncomfortable to talk to her little girl about very adult things. I feel like it made a huge positive impact on respect for myself and my sexuality. I had a mature, realistic idea and expectations of sex and puberty, so I was prepared when the time came.
Recently I realized that teaching my son about sex is something I need to start thinking about now, not in five or 10 years. I have been nannying three kids for the past couple months, and the eldest girl(who is ten) asked me, yes ME! the big question. How are babies made? I was speechless. First of all, that she had no idea, and secondly, that she chose to ask me. This is roughly how our conversation went...

"Sarah": I can't wait till Max is born! You know something I always wonder, Ashley? How come there is always a Daddy when there is a Mommy?
(It took me a minute to realize what she was asking... and some prodding, because I honestly thought that she would at least have some idea, but she had none.)
Sarah: Does it happen when you kiss? And where does the baby stay at in your stomach, and how does he come out? I wonder a lot.
(Seriously, shocked.)
Me: Has your Mom talked to you about babies and why there is a Mom and Dad? Do you know about your womb, or that it's called a uterus? What about sperm and eggs?
Sarah: No, what is that? Does it happen like when animals mate? I saw two lizards outside hugging and I know they were mating and that's how baby lizards are made... is that how it happens?

At this point, it was obvious she didn't know what the sex organs were, or how they were used, so I backed up and innocently put an end to the conversation by distraction. I told her Mom when she got home from work that night, and she was really upset and nervous about having to talk to her about it. She just said it's something she is afraid to talk to her kids about and just wants to keep them innocent and young. I didn't give her my opinion, because it's not my place to tell another parent what to say or do, but the experience bothered me a lot.
So I've been playing this conversation in my head over and over, and I've thought a lot about how I'm going to teach our son about sex... I'm scared to death. I'm glad I'm having a boy first, because like Woody has pointed out many times, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about every penis. But it's still scary. Thinking back on my childhood however, I don't ever remember not knowing about sex and what Mommy and Daddy were doing in the bedroom once in awhile. I just knew it's what adults did, and I was curious, not ignorant. Woody and I both agree that being open right away is important. I took showers with my Mom. I remember seeing her change her tampon and shave her legs and bikini line, everything that women do in the bathroom my Mom did in front of me. We want our son to have the same experience. He's going to shower with Daddy once in awhile, to gently expose him to what an adult man looks like. He's going to see Daddy shave, and probably pee(potty training, obviously) but beyond that, I'm nervous. With parenting, I know a lot of it you can't plan, you just go with the flow, so it'll happen in it's own time and way, but yikes! The responsibility is overwhelming and humbling.
After some Google searches, I've found a few websites with advice and things to think about. O Moms in general has been pretty awesome, and their article How to Have the Sex Talk With Your Kids gives a lot of advice and options.
The website Flashlight Worthy Books has a small list of book recommendations for children, and Amazon has an extensive selection of sexuality health books for children that I've been looking through. I feel better that there are so many resources and sites to go to for advice. Here comes the adventure :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Playroom Dilemma

Ok, so the porch that I plan turning into a playroom is a bit of an issue. It is enclosed but not insulated, so it gets very hot during the summer and I'm not going to be able to keep it cool with A/C unless we get new windows and insulate the ceiling and bottom walls. It'll be pricey but Woody and Bobby's Mom Retta, who owns the house, might pay for it if it increases home value.
Regardless on if I do that, I'm making it into a playroom. I'm having a garage sale in a few weeks so a lot of the junk that's in it is going, and there are trunks full of Woody's ARMY supplies and clothes that we can put up. I'm having the carpets cleaned in the house as soon as I get a little extra cash, and I'll probably put down a really nice plush rug so the baby can crawl around a bit. I'm just really excite to be able to nest, because for awhile I didn't think we would be living here. We had a roommate living on the couch for way too long, and I didn't think he would ever leave therefore making it an awkward situation for having a baby. Since he has left I've cleaned up the house a lot and organized it. Bobby is going to be switching rooms with us, giving us that master suite which is HUGE. Plenty of room for a crib area where I can set up a room divider. There is also a huge walk-in closet, I seriously never thought I'd have a closet this big in my life. And the bathroom is alright. Bobby's ex-girlfriend went nuts one day and broke his bathroom mirror, so that needs to be replaced, but other than that it's decent. The carpet is ugly as sin. It's 80's green shag. Ugh. But I figure once I get it cleaned and lay down a few rugs, we'll invest in new carpet a year or two down the road. I just cannot describe how relieving it is to be able to nest. I'm going to post pictures of the progress in the rooms as I go along...

This is the future playroom. You can see in the last two pictures the crib set and changing table that will eventually be in our room. In the first picture there is an old changing table of Carolyn's(Woody's ex) that we will be selling at the garage sale. There is also two chairs and a bar that we will probably keep in the playroom, they are really nice and comfortable so I'll set them up where I want them to be once I get the furniture in our room. We got our crib set for free from my friend Taylor, which was awesome. Unfortunately she lost all the hardware, but still not a bad deal. It'll be like $10 to replace it all.
Today my project is cleaning out our dining room. I'll take pictures of that, too. Woody and Bobby have a bunch of shit stacked up in the dining cabinet and I've been dying to get it organized. My goal is to get the liquor bottle graveyard the hell out of there, but I doubt they'll let me throw it all away, haha.

23 Weeks Tomorrow!

Maximus George Weidner
That is our baby's name for now. We call him Max for short, and probably until he develops opinions it will be just Max. He may end up liking Maxim or Maximus so we'll see. We both love it and so do our families, So this might be it!

Cravings: I've always loved cold spaghetti, but I love it even more now. Sweet baby gherkins are delicious. And I'm craving watermelon like mad, good thing it's almost summertime and they'll be cheap. As soon as I finish up this blog post I'm going to the produce stand across the street! ;) My future bro in-law Bobby has a deep fryer at our house(we're roomies) and I bought some canola oil and filled it so I've been deep frying things every few days. It's not a problem for me because I'm allowed to have the extra calories, they're going right to the baby, but Woody and Bobby hate it because they're convinced they're going to gain weight with me. It's hilarious. 
Sad Things: Holy Pregnancy dreams. I hate them! I used to think it was bullshit that women had them, but my dreams have in fact increased, both in that I remember them and they are very vivid. Usually they are unsettling, not very happy dreams. The worst one to date was a few days ago. I dreamt that I gave birth to a kitten and I was devastated. I was hoping it would turn into a real baby but it never did. I tried to nurse it and it wouldn't latch or grow. Apparently dreams about kittens and puppies are among the most common ones during pregnancy. We don't know what to picture of our baby, so we create an image of a cute, innocent animal in its place. Basically my dream was about my fears of being a mother, not being able to provide and failing. It was awful. I've also been yelling out loud a lot, it cracks Woody up. This happens especially in dreams where I am angry. Last night I yelled on two separate occasions, but I woke myself up doing it. Woody tries to get me to talk and explain and hopes I'll be still asleep, but that didn't happen last night so it just annoyed me he was asking questions. I told him today since it has happened a half dozen times now that it's just going to be something I'll probably be doing for the rest of the pregnancy. We were in Missouri last week visiting his Mom and Step-Dad and our room was connected to theirs. I had a similar night but instead of just yelling nothing, I was yelling curse words. The first time it was "I can't hear anything goddamnit!" and the second time it was just the F word. So humiliating! but funny too.

Weight Gain: I've only gained 6lbs. and I'm so happy about it. The Dr says I'm doing great and have a typical pregnancy, exactly what it should be as far as weight and health go. Hearing things like that is very encouraging because worrying is a big problem of mine. It's nice to hear I'm doing something right. I already feel huge and the belly is ridiculous at only 23 weeks but at least I'm not a whale. I've just been very concerned about weight gain and eating relatively healthy. I also have no stretch marks still, which makes me very happy. I'm quite pleased with my pregnancy genetics, thank you Mom! Hopefully the stretch marks stay away, as long as I don't gain weight too fast in a particular week and keep putting on bio-oil( a miracle oil! I will never stop using it even when not pregnant!) they should keep away. Rubbing the oil in every night has because Woody and I's routine, he rubs it in for me and it's a few minutes that we can talk about the baby and how I'm feeling. He usually gets down by my belly and talks to Max, it's super cute and gives me butterflies thinking of him being such a good Daddy.
Aches & Pains: I have been feeling great physically the past week. Unfortunately the week before last I had tons of nausea and vomiting. Not sure why but it went away eventually. Also I was experiencing a lot of tail bone pain while sitting down. My pelvis is shifting and it's also not used to the extra weight, but now it seems to have adjusted and is taking it better. For awhile there the only comfortable position for me to be in was laying down, and that was miserable.
Movement: Whoa! Max moves around a lot in the afternoon and night. It's his awake time and he gets his exercise in. I'm starting to see him moving physically if I have my shirt up. When I lay on my back I can tell where either his head or butt is, because usually there will be a spot in the left or right side of my belly button that is rounded up and much bigger than the other side. Usually it's his butt. We love to watch it and see the bump cause it make it more real to see the baby clearly like that. You can definitely tell there's a baby in there and not just fat. It was really cute last week, Woody felt him move without meaning to. We were snuggled up going to sleep and Woody yelled "Was that you?!" I had no idea what he was talking about, so I said no. Then he explained he had felt the baby moving and kicking against his back. I'm so used to feeling the movement that sometimes I don't even realize it when he is.
Sleep: Sleep has been great. No problems whatsoever. Sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night hungry, but it doesn't bother me. It's just nice to wake up and have an excuse to be a midnight snacker. I get excited when it happens, haha.  

That's pretty much it for an update. My next post which hopefully I'll remember later I wanna talk about how things are coming along for our playroom and nursery. We have a closed in side porch/florida room that I'm trying to make into a playroom. I'm so excited about it. I finally got Woody's ex to come by and get all her shit out of the room because she had a bunch of clothes and furniture that's been sitting in there for well over a year. She's trying so hard to be my friend and I feel bad but it's just weird. She's screwed a lot of friends over and lost them so I think it should be a hint not to be her friend, but she's desperate and being really sweet. Anyway, more on that later. I need Watermelon.