Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A Pregnancy Vent

I haven't done the week by week thing in forever, and probably won't again. I don't have patience anymore for much. I just need to vent, to get it all out instead of complaining here and there to anyone who will listen. While pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I don't know one woman who has been pregnant who by this time(34 weeks) didn't need to let out some steam and have the baby.

I can't wait to have a flat tummy again, and all the things that come with it. I can sleep on my belly if I want to, lay on my belly and get massages from Woody, lay on my belly by the pool and get a tan on my back. I can wear regular t-shirts again without stretching them or needing an x-large. That blows my mind. Most importantly(and selfishly) I look forward to getting massages, cause Woody is good at that and getting massages suck when you have to lay on your side. Oh, I can't wait for non-pregnancy sex again. Yeah... I said that. I don't care who reads this, it's just not hot/sexy or nearly as fun when you've got a baby occupying your uterus and a penis trying to occupy your vagina at the same time. HAHAHA ANYWAY... =/ I don't like feeling my boobs touch my tummy either, I just feel very National Geographic woman without a bra on, not that there's anything wrong with that but it's not as comfortable, especially with huge ass pregnancy boobs.
On to activities that aren't allowed, like volleyball. Or tennis. Or running at all. I get out of breath going up one flight of stairs. Not because I'm completely out of shape,  but because a huge baby is pushing all my organs into my thoracic cavity and decreasing lung capacity. Panting like a dog and feeling my heart go nuts and then having a baby kick me in the meantime is anxiety inducing. Speaking of anxiety, I can't wait to be able to take a Xanax when I'm feeling anxious again. Or really, any other medication without having to worry about hurting the baby. Like alcohol. That's a medication, right? Looking forward to that, too, but it's not as high on my list as it used to be.
That brings me to food. Oh FOOD. Sushi, I miss you so much. Lunch meat, hot dogs, hollandaise sauce, caffeinated drinks. The list is long. Although, I've learned a lot about methylates and how bad they are for any body, so preserved meats in general I'm going to stay far away from, pregnant or not. Any additive that can unwind DNA strands scares me.
I'm going to appreciate not having a lot of attention from strangers anymore. Pregnant women attract psychos just as much as they attract sweet old ladies or other Mom's with comments. I've probably had a hundred conversations that go like this, word for word: "Oh my gosh, you're pregnant! Is this your first? How far along? When are you due? Boy or girl? What's his name? Are you excited? Are you ready? Enjoy your sleep and free time now before it goes away!" Sometimes these conversations include little personal stories and anecdotes that I just have to smile and nod through, though all I really want to do most of the time is scream "Leave me alooooooooooooone!" But I understand they are just being nice and friendly and who doesn't love a pregnant woman or a little baby.
I really really look forward to not having to see the Dr every week, and not have them stick their fingers up in my nether regions to see if I'm dilated at all. Also, not having kidney issues like stones and infections that result in days spent in the hospital will be nice. I'm sure I'll have my pre-pregnancy energy back, too.
Last but not least, it actually trumps every other thing on this list, I can't wait to meet my son. Yeah, just typing that out and thinking about it made me cry. The love and excitement I feel for him takes every negative away. I can't wait to hold him in my arms, look him in his eyes and kiss his cheeks. That moment he hears my voice, looks in my eyes for the first time and knows that I'm his Mama will turn me into blubber, much like I am right now. To have my little family together at last will make it all worth it. I'll forget how much I hated pregnancy, and I'll be that little old lady one day stopping random pregnant women on the street to ask nosy questions and tell them about my son. :)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Fourth of July and Week 29!

Tomorrow begins my 29th week of pregnancy. Things are getting pretty crazy!

Cravings: Watermelon, Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, lots of different fruits, Chipotle, french toast.
Happy Things: Hmmm, I hope it's not a bad thing, but I really can't think of much that's making me happy this week. I've had a rough week, honestly. My hormones and emotions are really up there, I'm crying at a lot of things. I think I'm just ready to have the baby and start my life as a parent. This ten month limbo is really hard to go through.
Weight Gain: Still steady, haven't gained much weight since week 27, maybe 2 lbs.
Aches and Pains: I've been having gallbladder pain recently. I can't tell if it's just a pregnancy side effect or if it's because he's been kicking me more there. His kicks are hurting way more than they used to! I've also been having some braxton hicks contraction, which is so weird. I can just feel my muscles tighten up, and sometimes it feels like very mild cramps. Also, since of course he's getting huge, it's getting hard for me to sit up in bed or get out of a chair or off the couch. I feel like a beached whale, it takes a lot of effort. It's so funny to feel that way, like I'm an old person. Same thing with bending over to pick things up.
Movement: Yeah, like I said, his kicks are crazy! Last night I felt him move around and change positions in my belly, I think he's head down right now and might stay that way, because right about now if when they get into position normally for birth and stay that way. Hopefully he's in position, cause I don't want a breach and have to get a C section. That would be awful!
Sleep: I haven't been getting the best sleep, which may also be why I'm feeling kind of negative today. I doubt that situation will improve from here on out, but that's okay. It will be worth it in the end. :)

Friday, June 22, 2012

Week 27!

Holy cow, I cannot believe I am almost in my third trimester!!! I feel like it has gone by so quick. The funny thing is, when I say that to other women who have been pregnant, they tell me to knock on wood cause the third trimester goes by the slowest, understandably. I physically feel like I'm this pregnant though, and I'm really sporting the big belly, it just doesn't feel like time lines up.

Cravings: Everything! Cheese grits in the middle of the night, double checker burgers with cheese(ew!), frozen red grapes, pumpernickel bread, cereal. I've also been craving beer. Really good beer, not Bud Light. Tonight I went to a beer and wine tasting in Sarasota and got to have a few sips of some really good beers. It was amazing.
Sad Things: I've finally hit that point where my pregnancy emotions are coming out in full force. I'll cry over anything and everything. For example, Bobby's dog Titan is often locked in his room during the day while he is at work. The reason being that Titan loves to get into things when he's bored, and we've had one too many pairs of sunglasses and slippers and make-up brushes go towards his entertainment, so unless we're watching him he can't be unattended. The problem is, if he know's someone is home, he barks, whines and scratches at the door constantly until someone gets sick enough of it and lets him out. It has really started to irritate the shit out of me, and the only way to get him to stop is to go in there and scream at him or threaten him with violence, haha. Since that is not really the best way to treat a dog, we're trying some new methods, one being ignoring him. On Monday, after screaming at Titan and then having Woody reprimand me for doing so, I sobbed. Like really, sobbed. The floodgates were opened up and the rest of the day I cried over everything, it was ridiculous. Haven't really cried since then, thankfully, but it was definitely hormones.
Happy Things: I love Woody so much, he's been amazing. We've been getting more and more ready around the house. I started a garden shortly after my last post... planted some flowers and we all did a lot of yard work. I have three Earth Box's going with tomatoes, mint, rosemary, basil and oregano. I've also got some lavender growing, which I loooove! Woody had me buy a couple jalapeno plants and a banana pepper plant, so hopefully those work out, too. So to wrap it up, I love gardening and it's been a big stress reliever and a good place to channel some energy. Inside the house we've cleaned out the playroom some more, moved in a buffet table to the living room and made it into an entertainment center, and today I had the carpets steamed. Holy cow, it's made a huge difference. The carpets were disgusting and I really didn't think they would clean up very well, but they look awesome and smell a lot better. I'm not so worried about letting little Max crawl around on them anymore.
Weight Gain: 14 lbs. Though after the past few days of me stuffing my face I'm sure it's a little more than that, haha.
Aches and Pains: My pelvis and lower back muscles and bones are uber tight. I can't say it necessarily hurts, I just feel like everything is stressed to it's limit and not flexible or as mobile as it used to be. I look and feel like an old person every time I bend down or get up. I have to move very slowly or it will cause pain. Stretching every night has helped, I think. Now that Max is much bigger, he is pushing up into my stomach causing a lot of indegestion. It gets pretty uncomfortable if I've eaten a larger meal, so I have to scale back and eat much much smaller portions than I've been eating so far.
Movement: Max is moving around like crazy as usual, and his kicks are starting to get painful! I know I shouldn't complain about it too much though, cause it's bound to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger. However, when I realize I haven't felt him kick in awhile, I get really freaked out. Tonight, as I was beginning to write this post I realized that it had been several hours since I felt him move, and that led to me jumping around and then laying on the floor wiggling him around just waiting to feel him move. The thought of losing him is terrifying. It took about ten minutes to wake him up(poor kid) but I eventually felt the wiggle and was incredibly relieved. I don't know what I would do...
Sleep: Been sleeping alright. The past few nights have been good, but for about a week I was sleeping terribly. Right now I've got myself on a pretty good schedule. Around midnight every night on the dot I start feeling the exhaustion creep in. In the mornings I've had a hard time getting up, which is pretty odd for me!

On Wednesday of this week I went in for my last OB appointment for the second trimester. From now until 37 weeks I will being going every two weeks instead of monthly. Then, once I'm full term it will be weekly. I'm measuring at exactly 27 weeks, my vital signs and weigh are great, no protein in my urine... so the basic stuff is good. My blood work came back showing I'm anemic though, which sucks. I've been feeling super weak the past few weeks so I had an idea that was the case, so now I get to take iron twice a day and wait to get my energy back, if at all. Meh.
This weekend will be nice though. On Sunday we are having a big family dinner with Woody and Bobby's Dad. We're not supposed to know but their step-Mom Ashley is pregnant so they're telling us at dinner. Gotta practice our surprised faces, haha.

Friday, June 1, 2012

24 Weeks

I feel really pregnant this week. I constantly have this full feeling, even when I am hungry. It's taking some getting used to, but I feel great!

Cravings: Cottage cheese and fruit. Pizza! Tijuana Flats Refried Bean Chimichanga. I've also been using their hot sauce Georgia Peach daily. It's really cheap so whenever I go there I buy a bottle. I love putting it on eggs. Last night I made homemade fried chicken, it was delicious! I've got a craving right now for split pea soup... once I get my food stamps on the 3rd I'll be getting the ingredients for that ;)
Sad Things: Money. Gosh, money is so tight right now, we're trying to save like mad so we're not going out at all. This weekend we will be going to see a comedy show at McCurdy's. I got the tickets for free but while you're there you have to buy at least two items on their menu, which will be about $30 for the both of us. It's going to be a big treat jsut to go out. Another negative that's going on right now is my Dad isn't feeling too good, and I have such a tendency to worry about him. I have to start being careful about my anxiety levels cause they've been running high lately and I really don't want high blood pressure and Preeclampsia.
Happy Things: I love my boy Max! He kicks me like crazy all the time now, I love it. I know one day soon I'll get tired of it and it will start to hurt, but for now I'm really enjoying it. Also, I've been kicking ass at applying for government assistance. We qualify for a lot, and with Woody being a veteran who is in school on the GI bill, we really need it. I have an appointment with WIC on Monday, and since I plan on breastfeeding I'm going to get a lot of nutritional support in the form of eggs, milk, cheese, bread, and fish. LOTS of it! It's pretty awesome. Another thing that I feel so positive about is my relationship with Woody. We grow stronger every day. Even when we fight, which is so rare, there is no fear in this not working out. We just mesh so well together, I don't know how the universe lined up for us like this, but I like it. He is so loving and supportive of everything that I do. He is just everything that I would want in a man and a father to my child. At night when we go to sleep, after our routine of oiling up my belly(haha), we go to sleep and most of the time he has his hand on my belly feeling Max kick. It just makes me so happy that even though our pregnancy was unplanned, he's excited and preparing for the responsibility of being a father. I am so so very lucky!
Weight Gain: I am up to 10lbs. gained now. I feel great, and I feel like I'm carrying it well. In the past week, according to Baby Center, the baby has gained 4 ounces. That's a lot for one week! So I wasn't surprised to have gained a few lbs. and a great appetite.
Aches & Pains: Feeling pretty good! The only issues I have are heartburn and a little bit of neck pain. For the heartburn, last night I bought some Zantac 75 so we'll see how that works out for me today. As far as the neck pain, I've been spoiled with some back rubs from Woody, last night he nearly put me to sleep on the couch rubbing my back.
Movement: Like I said before, Max has been moving around a lot. And the bigger he gets, the easier it is to identify his position in the womb. I love laying on my back and seeing where his head or butt is. It's very clear to see by the lumps on my belly. Next time I'll take a picture and post it.
Sleep: I've been sleeping pretty great. As long as I'm surrounded by pillows and not cramped up by the edge of the bed because Woody is trying to snuggles in his sleep, then I'm happy. I have however been having some pretty awful nightmares. I got into a big argument with my Dad a few days ago, and with my raised emotions my dreams were pretty intense and terrifying. I went to bed early one night while Woody was hanging out in the living room with a friend, and I had to come out and have him lay with me for a little bit. It sounds silly, but I kept waking up completely out of touch with reality. Once he was in there the dreams weren't as terrifying once I woke up.

And that's about it! I've made a lot of progress in the house cleaning and organizing. Haven't had the garage sale yet, I'm going to try for next weekend. When I get the chance later, I'll post some pictures :)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Pregnancy and Sex.

Yeah, I'm about to open the sex door, haha.
I've always considered myself to be pretty open about sex since I was a teenager. I was so lucky to have a Mom that was completely up front with me from early childhood, and by the time I had my first boyfriend, I had already been to the gynecologist and was on birth control. I appreciate my Mom so much for this, cause it must've been uncomfortable to talk to her little girl about very adult things. I feel like it made a huge positive impact on respect for myself and my sexuality. I had a mature, realistic idea and expectations of sex and puberty, so I was prepared when the time came.
Recently I realized that teaching my son about sex is something I need to start thinking about now, not in five or 10 years. I have been nannying three kids for the past couple months, and the eldest girl(who is ten) asked me, yes ME! the big question. How are babies made? I was speechless. First of all, that she had no idea, and secondly, that she chose to ask me. This is roughly how our conversation went...

"Sarah": I can't wait till Max is born! You know something I always wonder, Ashley? How come there is always a Daddy when there is a Mommy?
(It took me a minute to realize what she was asking... and some prodding, because I honestly thought that she would at least have some idea, but she had none.)
Sarah: Does it happen when you kiss? And where does the baby stay at in your stomach, and how does he come out? I wonder a lot.
(Seriously, shocked.)
Me: Has your Mom talked to you about babies and why there is a Mom and Dad? Do you know about your womb, or that it's called a uterus? What about sperm and eggs?
Sarah: No, what is that? Does it happen like when animals mate? I saw two lizards outside hugging and I know they were mating and that's how baby lizards are made... is that how it happens?

At this point, it was obvious she didn't know what the sex organs were, or how they were used, so I backed up and innocently put an end to the conversation by distraction. I told her Mom when she got home from work that night, and she was really upset and nervous about having to talk to her about it. She just said it's something she is afraid to talk to her kids about and just wants to keep them innocent and young. I didn't give her my opinion, because it's not my place to tell another parent what to say or do, but the experience bothered me a lot.
So I've been playing this conversation in my head over and over, and I've thought a lot about how I'm going to teach our son about sex... I'm scared to death. I'm glad I'm having a boy first, because like Woody has pointed out many times, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis. When you have a girl, you have to worry about every penis. But it's still scary. Thinking back on my childhood however, I don't ever remember not knowing about sex and what Mommy and Daddy were doing in the bedroom once in awhile. I just knew it's what adults did, and I was curious, not ignorant. Woody and I both agree that being open right away is important. I took showers with my Mom. I remember seeing her change her tampon and shave her legs and bikini line, everything that women do in the bathroom my Mom did in front of me. We want our son to have the same experience. He's going to shower with Daddy once in awhile, to gently expose him to what an adult man looks like. He's going to see Daddy shave, and probably pee(potty training, obviously) but beyond that, I'm nervous. With parenting, I know a lot of it you can't plan, you just go with the flow, so it'll happen in it's own time and way, but yikes! The responsibility is overwhelming and humbling.
After some Google searches, I've found a few websites with advice and things to think about. O Moms in general has been pretty awesome, and their article How to Have the Sex Talk With Your Kids gives a lot of advice and options.
The website Flashlight Worthy Books has a small list of book recommendations for children, and Amazon has an extensive selection of sexuality health books for children that I've been looking through. I feel better that there are so many resources and sites to go to for advice. Here comes the adventure :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Playroom Dilemma

Ok, so the porch that I plan turning into a playroom is a bit of an issue. It is enclosed but not insulated, so it gets very hot during the summer and I'm not going to be able to keep it cool with A/C unless we get new windows and insulate the ceiling and bottom walls. It'll be pricey but Woody and Bobby's Mom Retta, who owns the house, might pay for it if it increases home value.
Regardless on if I do that, I'm making it into a playroom. I'm having a garage sale in a few weeks so a lot of the junk that's in it is going, and there are trunks full of Woody's ARMY supplies and clothes that we can put up. I'm having the carpets cleaned in the house as soon as I get a little extra cash, and I'll probably put down a really nice plush rug so the baby can crawl around a bit. I'm just really excite to be able to nest, because for awhile I didn't think we would be living here. We had a roommate living on the couch for way too long, and I didn't think he would ever leave therefore making it an awkward situation for having a baby. Since he has left I've cleaned up the house a lot and organized it. Bobby is going to be switching rooms with us, giving us that master suite which is HUGE. Plenty of room for a crib area where I can set up a room divider. There is also a huge walk-in closet, I seriously never thought I'd have a closet this big in my life. And the bathroom is alright. Bobby's ex-girlfriend went nuts one day and broke his bathroom mirror, so that needs to be replaced, but other than that it's decent. The carpet is ugly as sin. It's 80's green shag. Ugh. But I figure once I get it cleaned and lay down a few rugs, we'll invest in new carpet a year or two down the road. I just cannot describe how relieving it is to be able to nest. I'm going to post pictures of the progress in the rooms as I go along...

This is the future playroom. You can see in the last two pictures the crib set and changing table that will eventually be in our room. In the first picture there is an old changing table of Carolyn's(Woody's ex) that we will be selling at the garage sale. There is also two chairs and a bar that we will probably keep in the playroom, they are really nice and comfortable so I'll set them up where I want them to be once I get the furniture in our room. We got our crib set for free from my friend Taylor, which was awesome. Unfortunately she lost all the hardware, but still not a bad deal. It'll be like $10 to replace it all.
Today my project is cleaning out our dining room. I'll take pictures of that, too. Woody and Bobby have a bunch of shit stacked up in the dining cabinet and I've been dying to get it organized. My goal is to get the liquor bottle graveyard the hell out of there, but I doubt they'll let me throw it all away, haha.

23 Weeks Tomorrow!

Maximus George Weidner
That is our baby's name for now. We call him Max for short, and probably until he develops opinions it will be just Max. He may end up liking Maxim or Maximus so we'll see. We both love it and so do our families, So this might be it!

Cravings: I've always loved cold spaghetti, but I love it even more now. Sweet baby gherkins are delicious. And I'm craving watermelon like mad, good thing it's almost summertime and they'll be cheap. As soon as I finish up this blog post I'm going to the produce stand across the street! ;) My future bro in-law Bobby has a deep fryer at our house(we're roomies) and I bought some canola oil and filled it so I've been deep frying things every few days. It's not a problem for me because I'm allowed to have the extra calories, they're going right to the baby, but Woody and Bobby hate it because they're convinced they're going to gain weight with me. It's hilarious. 
Sad Things: Holy Pregnancy dreams. I hate them! I used to think it was bullshit that women had them, but my dreams have in fact increased, both in that I remember them and they are very vivid. Usually they are unsettling, not very happy dreams. The worst one to date was a few days ago. I dreamt that I gave birth to a kitten and I was devastated. I was hoping it would turn into a real baby but it never did. I tried to nurse it and it wouldn't latch or grow. Apparently dreams about kittens and puppies are among the most common ones during pregnancy. We don't know what to picture of our baby, so we create an image of a cute, innocent animal in its place. Basically my dream was about my fears of being a mother, not being able to provide and failing. It was awful. I've also been yelling out loud a lot, it cracks Woody up. This happens especially in dreams where I am angry. Last night I yelled on two separate occasions, but I woke myself up doing it. Woody tries to get me to talk and explain and hopes I'll be still asleep, but that didn't happen last night so it just annoyed me he was asking questions. I told him today since it has happened a half dozen times now that it's just going to be something I'll probably be doing for the rest of the pregnancy. We were in Missouri last week visiting his Mom and Step-Dad and our room was connected to theirs. I had a similar night but instead of just yelling nothing, I was yelling curse words. The first time it was "I can't hear anything goddamnit!" and the second time it was just the F word. So humiliating! but funny too.

Weight Gain: I've only gained 6lbs. and I'm so happy about it. The Dr says I'm doing great and have a typical pregnancy, exactly what it should be as far as weight and health go. Hearing things like that is very encouraging because worrying is a big problem of mine. It's nice to hear I'm doing something right. I already feel huge and the belly is ridiculous at only 23 weeks but at least I'm not a whale. I've just been very concerned about weight gain and eating relatively healthy. I also have no stretch marks still, which makes me very happy. I'm quite pleased with my pregnancy genetics, thank you Mom! Hopefully the stretch marks stay away, as long as I don't gain weight too fast in a particular week and keep putting on bio-oil( a miracle oil! I will never stop using it even when not pregnant!) they should keep away. Rubbing the oil in every night has because Woody and I's routine, he rubs it in for me and it's a few minutes that we can talk about the baby and how I'm feeling. He usually gets down by my belly and talks to Max, it's super cute and gives me butterflies thinking of him being such a good Daddy.
Aches & Pains: I have been feeling great physically the past week. Unfortunately the week before last I had tons of nausea and vomiting. Not sure why but it went away eventually. Also I was experiencing a lot of tail bone pain while sitting down. My pelvis is shifting and it's also not used to the extra weight, but now it seems to have adjusted and is taking it better. For awhile there the only comfortable position for me to be in was laying down, and that was miserable.
Movement: Whoa! Max moves around a lot in the afternoon and night. It's his awake time and he gets his exercise in. I'm starting to see him moving physically if I have my shirt up. When I lay on my back I can tell where either his head or butt is, because usually there will be a spot in the left or right side of my belly button that is rounded up and much bigger than the other side. Usually it's his butt. We love to watch it and see the bump cause it make it more real to see the baby clearly like that. You can definitely tell there's a baby in there and not just fat. It was really cute last week, Woody felt him move without meaning to. We were snuggled up going to sleep and Woody yelled "Was that you?!" I had no idea what he was talking about, so I said no. Then he explained he had felt the baby moving and kicking against his back. I'm so used to feeling the movement that sometimes I don't even realize it when he is.
Sleep: Sleep has been great. No problems whatsoever. Sometimes I do wake up in the middle of the night hungry, but it doesn't bother me. It's just nice to wake up and have an excuse to be a midnight snacker. I get excited when it happens, haha.  

That's pretty much it for an update. My next post which hopefully I'll remember later I wanna talk about how things are coming along for our playroom and nursery. We have a closed in side porch/florida room that I'm trying to make into a playroom. I'm so excited about it. I finally got Woody's ex to come by and get all her shit out of the room because she had a bunch of clothes and furniture that's been sitting in there for well over a year. She's trying so hard to be my friend and I feel bad but it's just weird. She's screwed a lot of friends over and lost them so I think it should be a hint not to be her friend, but she's desperate and being really sweet. Anyway, more on that later. I need Watermelon.